Days, weeks, months, years, I stopped just shy of a decade. Stopped what? Being an idiot. Now I’m just occasionally stupid but everyone is stupid sometimes. Let’s start by understanding that no one is perfect and everybody has problems. For me, my life got turned upside down at the age of 21 and I was stuck in a hole, to be honest I was digging that hole, everyone has ups and downs in his/her life, the difference is what happens afterwards, some can keep moving forward the next day, some never and others somewhere in between.
Purpose is what I was missing. Previously I had dreams, goals, hope and somehow it all turned into darkness, feeling lost, despair, fear, hate, nothing to live for. Days, weeks, months, years. At first I did nothing, slightly lying because I was doing quiet a lot of drugs and alcohol, but I didn’t know what to do with my life, and no matter how much pain numbing substances I was using I couldn’t fill that void. At first I was mad at the world, later I realized I was actually mad at myself, and it hurt more, way more, but It gave me hope and some form of control, it is way easier to change myself than to change the world, and that was enough for something. I didn’t know what, but if you know that there is something you just have to go looking for it, and if you do there is a chance you may find it.
I started searching. Didn’t know what, nor where and it didn’t really matter, but at least there was something. Reading books, watching Youtube videos, most of the time it was useless or just waste of time, but sometimes finding answers to questions I had, other times finding answers to questions I didn’t know I had. And slowly the mind calms down, it is as fast as before but with less unknow, less questions. I didn’t have to get blackout drunk to fall a sleep anymore.
To get to to the top of Everest you have to take a step, then another and another. Any big results come from many small actions and everything starts small. Most important is consistency. Staying consistent can be hard, but it is also rewarding. Every athlete has to train for years to get to the top, with no guarantee that they will get there, and guess what, they keep training to stay there. People don’t become alcoholics or fat in one day, the bad choices may start one day, but the results come from consistency.
Stop being a b**ch. I mean no disrespect to female dogs, but for those that feel sorry for themselves, somebody hurt you, daddy didn’t love you, got bullied, lonely, lost, etc. World is not fair, it never will be nor it should be, but the world isn’t unfair either. The world is just as it is, it is what we make it, us people. It is a mirror held up against society and it shows what and how we are. If you say you are different from everybody else, then you are lying to me and you are lying to yourself. You see someone on instagram in a sports car with a 10/10 girlfriend, and think what an a-hole, oh but you want that stuff, you want it so bad that it makes you mad. Do you deserve it? Give me a good reason why you deserve it! You are a good person? Everybody is good. Do you think rich people walk around hating on others? Not much more than you yourself do daily. Talent is abundant, hard work is what separates us.
No one knows the way, because there is no such a thing. We carve our own paths, there is no right or wrong, there is only what we want and what we get, they are not the same but they are both in our control. The amount of pain, regret, resentment, that we feel is the difference between what we want and what we get. You either have to lower your expectations, which I don’t think you can, or do the work. I can see behind that fake happy face that you put on, there is a fire burning, a need, and those emotions can go two ways, regret, hate, jealousy or passion, drive, joy. Take control, take responsibility, give to the world and the world will give you what you want.